19 reasons not to read my SEO blog

Lets be honest. There are a number of reasons you shouldn’t be reading this.

1. I can’t spell for shit.

2. I use a lot of English slang which people over in the colonies, who had a hissy fit at paying a few taxes so they threw their tea in the water and went from George Washington to George Bush, can’t understand me.

3. I’ve started swearing on my blog. I think it’s both amusing and clever.

4. I’m not really an SEO, just some guy who likes to lounge around in his underwear watching day time TV rather than work in an office with a pot plant. I find if you just talk about how important H1 tags are no one will notice.

5. I’ve read books, most SEO’s have never read a book and consider it strange.

6. If I wasn’t making money online I’d be a night shift security guard at a regional museum.

7. I think Jason Calacanis is Cool.

8. I’ve never been to an SEO conference.

9. I think most people who use the Internet for longer than 8 hours are weird. Except me, I’m extra normal.

10. I think the SEO industry is way too white.

11. I think SEO is easy, but mostly repetitive and boring. After ten years of honing my craft I don’t find it difficult at all.

12. I use Wikipedia a lot and even link to it.

13 I use Alexa constantly and love the spikes in my traffic.

14. I think the little green bar is cool, and if I ever go to PR 6 will throw a party in it’s honour.

15. I always fast forward the Webmaster Radio commercials.

16. I once disagreed with Danny Sullivan.

17. You could be spending time with a beautiful woman, or man, or two women under a moonlit sky, by the beach, sipping drinks garnished with umbrellas. Why do they do that? The umbrella? What’s the purpose? I mean, I realise that a stick with a cherry on the end is not simply a garnish, you get to eat it. But an umbrella?
Or is it a parasol? They look like parasols to me, you know, to keep the sun off. I’ve never seen anyone use a life sized parasol.

18. I tend to go off on tangents and get distracted.

19. I still don’t know what latent semantic indexing is.

20 thoughts on “19 reasons not to read my SEO blog”

  1. Started swearing on my personal blog which I’ve just started. Liberating, isn’t it!

    There’s a few seo companies offering LSI SEO, LMAO, phone them up and ask them (and blog it for a laugh).

  2. Boy, I’m glad I don’t read this blog, never have never will…


    #17 Surely the little umbrella is there to be placed in the beautiful woman’s hair, to add a dash of color?

  3. Surely the little umbrella is there to be placed in the beautiful woman?s hair, to add a dash of color?

    Thats definitely the reason for the umbrella

  4. Seeing that your title gives 17 reasons and you list 19, I can understand your split personality. Thankfully, you are a lot more entertaining them some of the SEO/SEM blokes out there so I can put up with your Queen’s English and big red H1 tags.

  5. Well apart from the swearing and the alexa bit rock on! Bah you don’t know what Latent Semantic Indexing is I have lost all the respect…

  6. Matt, another reason. I can’t count.
    Actually I think America has enriched the English language hugely. When Charles Dickens spent a few years Stateside he actually pinched a few and now everyone thinks they’re English.

    I like my big red H1 tags, I think it’s a tabloid thing.

    Tim, lets have your explanation then? I understand the semantic part and I understand the indexing part, but what’s with the Latent bit?

    I think Patrick proves you don’t need to know about it to do the do. If Patrick has no idea, then I think I’m in good company.

    Hobo, what a great idea for a bit of Youtube linkbait. I may actually do that. Who to call though, maybe I will phone up Tim, record him and put him out as a podcast.

  7. Lyndon strikes again – to me that’s 19 reasons I SHOULD read your blog. Oh – wait, that’s what you meant.

    Btw – I DO get LSI. Seems like there might be a blog post in there judging by how many people don’t seem to understand…

  8. Tom, look forward to your post. But could you add pictures and type in big letters, thanks. We should get as many SEO bloggers as we can who “claim” to know what LSI is to post their interpretation. We all link to each others posts and see who know their semantic from their semiotic.

    That’s if you have the balls of course.

    David, I have honed the art of categories for many years now and am regarded as an expert in the world of category writers. We even have an annual get together of the Category Association of Cornwall.

  9. I think they are 19 reasons to read your blog. Your down to earth approach to blogging, swearing and slag cuts you apart from other SEO bloggers. I can’t think of any other blogs that have the balls to swaer out of fear of their readers reactions.

  10. Number 3 is the reason I keep coming back for more 😉

    P.S. Does anyone else find it ironic that a man who admits that he can’t count uses mathematical spam protection? That must be a real pisser when replying to comments…

  11. Hey number 8. I?ve never been to an SEO conference. – need s a little update.
    I do love your style and think you are about to have some serious fun on the net. I will e-mail you next week, Friday.

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